Wednesday, 4 November 2015

My Summer Trial

On June 29 my back gave out on me. When we arrived at church that Sunday I felt a little "tweak" in my back as I was lifting Grant out of his carseat. Once we got into the chapel, I bent down to pick up a toy Asher had dropped and...I couldn't get up. Luckily I somehow managed to get into the hallway and when Garth came to find me he knew something was wrong and we had to leave. He went and pulled the car around for me but when he came to help me to the car I couldn't put any pressure on my legs without searing pain flowing through my body. Luckily Jordan was there to help but even with two guys to lift me, I couldn't move I was in so much pain. We were told that the Bishop of the other ward was a chiropractor (looking back... that was a miracle), so Jordan went to get him and he took me into a room to try and work on me. After trying different things he told me that I was in way too much pain for him to do anything to me, and if he tried I would probably go into shock. It then took about 45 minutes to move from that classroom, outside to Jordan's truck. It then took another 20 minutes to get into the truck as they lifted me into the truck while I cried and screamed and begged them not to. I have never felt that much searing intense pain in my whole life.

When we got home, Garth carried me inside and the next 24 hours was absolute hell. I couldn't move and no drugs could ease the pain. After taking 2 hours to try and walk 3 feet to and from the bathroom we decided to head to Urgent Care. After a really long wait, they took me in and gave me some morphine and for the first time I let my back relax. The pain was there, but the morphine finally gave me a chance to unclench all those muscles that I had been tightly squeezing to fight the pain. I slowly made my way back to the car, to the pharmacy (throwing up in the parking lot from all the drugs), and back home. 

The next two weeks were spent mostly in bed. It was the hardest two weeks of my life at the same time it was Garth's busiest month of the summer. I had two kids that I had to take care of but I couldn't. I laid on Kim's couch a lot, my mom came to Airdrie to help out, and Garth had to take too many days off work. After that first week, I didn't have any help and I knew Garth had to work, so I forced myself to deal with it. By that point I could walk around by myself, but lifting anything was excruciating. When I needed to carry Asher I would hold him, sit on the ground and drag myself to and from my destinations. I cried a lot, 90% because of the pain and 10% because I felt overwhelmed and stressed out. I knew that my pain was greatly affecting Garth and his ability to focus on his job and that stressed me out even more. I had to call my best friend and tell her that not only could I possibly not be able to sing at her wedding in 2 weeks but I might not be able to be in her wedding party at all, the wedding that we had been waiting for and planning for a year and a half. That phone call devastated me.

It was around that point where the impressions hit me so hard, and I felt silly for not thinking about it before. I knew that I needed a priesthood blessing, so I asked Garth if he would give me one. I don't remember one word from the blessing but I remember the feelings of hope and peace wash over me as I felt for once that things were going to be okay, that I was going to be okay. It was an amazing experience that I will never forget.

I got well enough that I was able to start going to the chiropractor to get my back adjusted. As he continued to figure out what was wrong and what I needed, it continued to get better, very slowly, but better nonetheless. He told me to start strengthening my core/back which was seriously weakened after carrying around 2 big babies over the past 2/12 years.

I was able to not only stand by my best friend and she got married, I was able to be there with her the whole day and perform at her wedding reception. Something I never would have thought possible 2 weeks prior.

I have felt very anxious the whole time I was writing this, because it brought back a lot of those feelings and emotions that were running through me so rapidly. But I guess the whole reason I wanted to write this down was because I learned a valuable lesson. I felt completely overwhelmed, alone and hopeless. I had no idea how I was going to get through each day. I realized very quickly that I wasn't alone, I prayed to my Heavenly Father and he made me feel better. Through the atonement of Jesus Christ and by the power of the priesthood he healed me. It wasn't sudden and fast, but as the days got better, I recognized his hand in my life and I knew that he was taking care of me. I truly believe that trials change a person for the better. I have a greater appreciation for my body, for the day to day tasks I am able to perform everyday, like picking up my kids, running or even driving. I am grateful for the chance to be a mom, even when it is hard. I am grateful for my health and now I am way more conscious about it. Because of this trial, I now go to the gym every morning to become stronger and better. I never want to be put in that kind of position again, where I can't take care of myself and my family.

I am so grateful for my Heavenly  Father, I know he is mindful of me and loves me more than I could possibly imagine. I am grateful for my Savior, Jesus Christ. who has felt all that I have felt and more than I could even fathom. Beacuse of what he has done for me (for everyone), I am never alone. I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for all that he taught me through this experience and I am very grateful that it is over haha!


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